btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
