Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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