so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
