I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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