I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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