i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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