i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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