Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
