Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
