can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
