Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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