You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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