He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
