girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
