she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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