we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
