Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
