you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
