i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
