From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
