his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
