I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
