The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Your cock deserves a montage
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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