I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
