Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
