Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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