he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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