Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
