so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
sex in a hospital.. check
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
