She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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