she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
