im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
