what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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