I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
