The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
