why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
