You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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