Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she told me i tasted like america
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
