You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
