Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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