I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
