sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
