Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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