dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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