Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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