we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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