Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
