Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I intend to get homeless drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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