It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
