He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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