if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The adults are the big ones right?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
