She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
