broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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