The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize