I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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