cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
