Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
