I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
