Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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