ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
