I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
