girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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