thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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