You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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