is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize