I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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