HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
