i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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