R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
