You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need moral support for this bender
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
