I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
