i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
