....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
