Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize