So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
