take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
