I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
