Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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