I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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