You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
