I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
