I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize