Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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