i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
