Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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