I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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