I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
