I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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