During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
