I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
