and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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