Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
