So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How's work?
Spinning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
