So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
