The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
