BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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