I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
