He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
