She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
