i think i have two assholes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
