She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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