Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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