Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
