I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
